So I arrive at the hoipital as 11.45 as my time has been moved. I'm the only patient there ready for pm ops. I,ve just been rushed in running short on time and concerned that I didn,t really enjoy and savour my last cigarette !
Give Steve and Connor a massive kiss and cuddle tell them how much I love them without being emotional! So so hard but didn't want to show them how petrified I was!
So I'm sat by my bed with my bag which contains a new nightie! A nightie how funny this is as girlie as it gets for me!
Still at least the NHS have got rid of the itchie matted blankets and replaced them with pale green soft muslin stylie covers. 30 minutes I'm sat thinking OMG do I want this - do I understand why I'm having this - what if I die - and then feeling very alone, very very alone. This was the final end to a very long journal as I have had 16 miscarriages and enough was enough! It was the right decision!
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